terror

i recently became aware of the fact that i have - lived through - and - thrived on - and survived a life peppered with terror.

terror is so indelibly etched into my consciousness that i sustain a subconscious compulsion to maintain it. it IS my way of life. i wouldn't recognize living without terror nor could i begin to know how to function without it.

and, of course it is this terror that prevents me from really living.